Not Another Softball Post

I’m sorry, but since Theresa’s many attempts to sneak across the American boarders, including an ingenious plan involving a George Bush mask and a hot air balloon, have failed miserably and I am forced to continue here in Virginia as an unwilling bachelor, softball is one of the few things I have here that gives any meaning to my life (no, I haven’t forgotten about that pesky little law school thing I have to go to, but, as everyone here already knows, class is a much lesser priority than the North Grounds Softball League). Also, there would be absolutely no excuse not to post tonight, as we just finished our most important game of the season. That’s right, even if the Migra had finally tracked caught up to Theresa’s balloon and I had to rush off to Saskatchewan to plead her case in front of a tribunal of Mounties, I would have written this post on the plane. You may now be wondering, what made this particular game so important to merit such an immediate response? Well, simply put, it was the long-awaited meeting of Section J’s “Juiced” and Section C’s “Carnations,” and ever since an alleged Section J remark about C’s inescapable tendency of effectively wasting the majority of our joint contracts class with inane comments and irrelevant questions, which, as section J lore goes, actually did not happen, (although it might well could have considering the accuracy of the remark), the Sections have been the most bitter of rivals. Also, if the first meeting of long-time enemies is not enough to merit “greatest game ever” status, Professor Hynes increased the stakes by mediating a wager where the losing team gets to select the cold-call list for tomorrow’s class, which would only really make a difference if C won, because if we created a list that excluded all of J and only C spoke next class, I don’t think I would be able to tell the difference. All I’m trying to say here is that it was a big game.

So who won? Well, get ready to dodge some flying scrabble tiles because we might have a section of sore losers on our hands. Except of course, since Section C would be doing the throwing, their weapons would more likely be “My little Ponies,” than scrabble tiles—I don’t really know how you could lose at “My Little Ponies,” but if anyone could do it, our pals in Section C could. Oh, and to complete my retraction of this paragraph’s opening phrase, I guess you wouldn’t really need to dodge anything, because, as Section C so effectively established on the diamond today, their throwing skills are such that I would be reasonably confident that no-one near the tantrum would be at any sort of risk of being hit.

Am I being too hard on Section C? Well. after today reading the second of C’s resident blogger’s entries that include both “Section J” and “Sucks” it their titles, I have concluded that it isn’t. Anyway, here is the official game write-up, penned by J’s Bill (used without permission):

Section J: 9
Section C: 4

In what was a foregone conclusion, Section J defeated their arch-rivals Section C nine to four on the muddied field of Copley today. I don't want to play up how big a showdown this game was because then people might actually think Section C had a chance. But it was one of the biggest games of the year. Section J and C's contracts professor was there. He brought snacks and a deal that the winner could pick who in the other section would be called on next class. Best contracts professor ever.

Let's get this out of the way first. The Carnations? Are you kidding me? A pink carnation is either a symbol of a mother's undying love or what a bad prom date buys his soon to be ex-girlfriend.

Some highlights:

Section J had even stronger support than our usual…strong support. First, our amazing PAs. All five were there, with three of the five actually making the sacrifice of missing class. They even brought pizza and beer. So big thumbs ups to them for that. We even had 4 significant others in attendance. For the record, I don't think any of Section C's PAs were there. Although I actually give them credit for that: I wouldn't want to hang out with that section either if I didn't absolutely have to.

Section C threatened a couple of times. Both times "The Bull" came up to bat. Let's just say he had one batting glove for each strikeout.

The game was mostly won and lost on fielding. Two players really just sum up each team's efforts. For Section C, their first baseman with the ridiculously short shorts. I'm sure you've seen him around the law school. No other male wears running shorts that short. After a routine grounder to the pitcher the ball was a bit off target. Let's just say his balls almost fell out of his daisy dukes while demonstrating the stretching ability of an 11 year old girl. The fact that they didn't, actually calls into question their existence. For Section J, Mike in the outfield. He single handedly was responsible for the last two outs of the game. The first time with an amazing dive and roll snowcone of a catch. The second time charging in for a ball that popped over the infield, picking it up, and flipping the ball to the second baseman in mid dive for the last out.

For the record, after winning 6 to 4 at the end of 5 innings, the umpire gave Section J the chance to end the game since an hour had elapsed. We immediately turned it down because we wanted another inning to run up the score. We also didn't want to give C an excuse.