Champions in our Eyes

QUESTION PRESENTED:

Can a section of about 30 young, fun loving and surprisingly attractive first year law students ever have a chance of winning the 1L Softball tournament when their priorities are more centered on having the kind of fun that often comes in twelve-packs than fielding an skilled team?

SHORT ANSWER:

No. Winning is not fun. Oh sure, it is an enjoyable experience, but it is more akin to the satisfaction that Alexander the Great must have felt after he conquered yet another barbarian horde than the ideal sensation of fun that can probably best be envisioned by referring to that feeling you get as a child when you are finally tall enough to go on that big roller-coaster for the first time—you know, the one with the six loop-de-loops that made you older sister vomit when she first rode it last year. So, in order to win the 1L tournament, you better be willing to trade in your fun for a lot of yelling, intense determination and the ability to callously exclude your section-mates without regret.

SUMMARY OF THE FACTS:

Section J, which is apparently known as “the fun section” by the friends of our peer advisors, woke up after a late night of debauchery at J&J’s B-day bash to the soft sound of birds chirping and the smell of Bodo’s Bagels, (which were quite delicious for the first 3/4, but couldn’t hold my interest long enough to actually finish that last bite), on the slightly overcast morning of Sept. 30 for the annual 1L softball tourney. Our first match against the international LLM squad was over quickly, with section juiced immerging victorious because we were able to hit at least one or two balls over the gold-glove wielded by the LLM’s superstar pitcher to the not-so-superstar remainder of the team. Our second game was not quite as successful, and, despite some amazing plays, such as Wheels’ lead-off homer and Luke’s center-to-home throw-out, the mighty Juiced was humbled by the smaller and less-inebriated (or should I say ‘blatto’) Section K, who ultimately went on to win the fame and universal adoration that comes with a 1L Softball championship.

DISSCUSSION:

When some pathetic losers are defeated, they will wine and throw their scrabble tiles across the room and then, after the quick argument about how the Q is missing that is ultimately resolved when the lost tile is found beside the deck of Magic cards, the loser, much to the annoyance of everyone else, feels the need to explain the unique circumstances that lead to his unlikely loss. I would like to now exercise this right. Section J never really had a chance of becoming 1L champions, partially because the other teams were simply much better than us, but mostly because we held a firm conviction that more fun can be had off of the diamond than on. And because section J’s idea of fun, much like the roller-coaster kid’s, often induces vomiting, we didn’t have much hope of beating any section that has not previously drunk an entire keg between them. I would also like to point out that, unlike most other teams that made the weaker half of their section sit on the bench, section J fielded an impressive 27 players (85% of the section), without regard to their softball prowess. Although this meant that our team could not compete with the teams that only let their best players onto the field, it allowed almost our entire section the chance to play be involved and feel the camaraderie that comes with being part of a team (now, doesn’t that just warm your heart). For the better teams, there was no full-section effort, there was also no blazing wing challenge, no beer pong, and their defiantly was no funnels right before (and after) enthusiastically stepping up to bat and sloppily striking out, and, dare I say, there was no fun? (Yes, I understand that it is very possible to have fun without alcohol, considering I have had an incredibly enjoyable life up to this point and would highly recommend at lease trying to have a good time without booze; I also understand that the winning team probably had a very fun day, but if I admitted that, my whole argument would just fall apart, now wouldn’t it?)

CONCLUSION:

So, congrats section juiced. As it was so eloquently put at the end of our slightly uncoordinated run for the championship, “you are all champions, I can see it in your eyes”

Oh, I could not end this post without giving a shout out to our good friends in Section C. Now there is a section that does not let their utter lack of fashion keep them from having fun. Of course, unlike Section J, their fun is a much more of a synchronized-skipping-short-shorts-and-pink-tank-top-wearing kind of fun, which I guess is fine if you’re the kind of people who think that naming their softball team “The Carnations” is a fabulous idea or if you are a trailer-trash 9 year-old girl who dreams of one day becoming a real princess—or at least the next Brittany Spears.

Nos vamos.