We have a situation on our hands of paramount importance. My brand new UVa Law hoodie, which was generously given to me by my loving wife for Christmas, has been viciously kidnapped and put up for ransom by freedom-hating terrorists. Judging by the culprit’s flagrant disrespect for the unalienable rights of private property, I have concluded that this crime must have been committed by radical, pinko-commie Canadians.
I’d like to take this opportunity to publicly decry this outrage and emphatically state the “We Will Not Negotiate With Terrorists!”
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