Ghosts, Baseball Cards, and Anthrophobia

Nothing much happened to me this week. Wait wait, keep reading. It was just a joke. Plenty of things happened to me this week. It was like the most exciting week ever. For example, I went to JC Penny on Saturday and bought a new pair of dress slacks. Now, these are just any pair of slack, they are cotton-twill with a thread count of at least 300, maybe even 400…

But really, this week I did sign up to be a Law School tour guide. You know, one of those over-excited glee-club-types who just love to tell prospective students about how great UVa law is. Like, did you know that the library has more than 860,000 volumes? That’s right 860,000. And not to mention the microforms. I don’t want to brag, but we’ve got over a million. I’m sorry, but your school just isn’t hip if you don’t have over a million microforms—they’re the wave of the future. Anyway, I was thinking of following the tradition of many Virginia towns and attractions (including Charlottesville), and offering a ghost and murder tour of the law school also. I could hold it each evening and charge $25 a pop. So, if anybody knows of any UVa Law murders, let me know. And if not, I might have to create some myself. If there aren’t any ghosts and murders to talk about on my first tour, there defiantly will be on the second…

In other news, let me tell you about facebook. Yes, it is another post about facebook. Well, now that Theresa is working at the stundent health center and spends a lot of time surfing the Internet, she has succumbed to the dark side and joined the on-line community. And now she’s getting all huffy because she has 75 friends and I only have 64. Yeah, so it has become a big contest between us. You know, just the kind of contest that everyone seems to be opposed to: a popularity contest. It has gotten so bad that I feel like I’m back in 5th grade, trading baseball cards (I had the entire roster of the Toronto Blue Jays back then, you know). I’d say to Theresa “Guess who I just invited? One ADAM GORDEN”

“NO WAY! I want Adam Gorden. Where’d you get him?”

“I’m not telling.”

“Fine, but I just got Carie Ann!”

“She’s on facebook?!” and so on.

And speaking of Facebook friends, I just got a message from one of mine who needs a little favor. I wont say whom, but I will say that we used to be in a great band with hits like “Parkade Romance,” “Love on the Ghetto LRT” and “Neglected Love on a Fishing Trip.” You see, back in my FHE days, her and I put together a killer list of questions for the Dating Game, and she has now asked for my help coming up with some new ones. So here they are. Enjoy:

What would you do if I dressed as Louie XIV for Halloween, but liked my costume so much I started wearing it every day?

What would you do if, although I was a faithful member of the church, my entire family were a band of ruthless South Pacific Pirates, and wanted you to join the family business?

Imagine that you loved me, but today I am getting married to a man who you just discovered is planning to sell me to Russian slave traders. Unfortunately, the groom would kill you if you told me. How would you warn me of my impending doom without tipping off my fiancé.

If you were to loose both your hands in a tragic accident, and could have them replaced with any small appliance, which would you choose.

What would you get me for my birthday if I were a renowned Scatologist (studies animal feces), and have only ever showed interest in my work?

What would you say if I were planning on protesting water pollution by living in a canoe on a Northern Alberta lake for a year, and I wanted you to join me.

Would you still go out with me if we really hit it off, but then you discovered that I write a blog from the perspective of Xylor, a level 18 half-elf wizard with a cloak of invisibility and a crossbow of penetration? Why or why not?

If you were one of the characters on “The Office,” who would you be and why?

Imagine that my BO was so bad that you feel like vomiting every time I am near. How would you tactfully get me to improve my hygene.

Imagine that I had an acute case of anthrophobia (fear of flowers), and on our first date I brought you a dozen roses (the most frightening of all flowers). How would you calm me down and convince me to still go out with you.


Anonymous said...

Randy, about your UVa Law School ghost tour and your comments about creating murder stories? Did you mean you would have people murdered or you would make up stories or a little of both?