Back in 1606...

Dear Diary,

The University of Virginia is officially stuck in the Seventieth Century. Mind you, it’s a seventeenth century that is full of plaid shorts and polo shirts (I swear there are more Lacoste Alligators here then in the everglades), but a form of the seventieth century nonetheless. Not only are most of the buildings on the main grounds older than most people’s genealogy, but we are currently in the middle of a mumps epidemic. Ok, the word “epidemic” may be a little harsh considering there is only one reported case, but judging from the widespread panic that has ensued, including the quarantine of one of my section-mates, who very distraught that he must spend the day relaxing at home rather then spending his fleeting youth listening to lectures on the different interpretations of Rule 11 claims in the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure, we might as well start handing out signs that read “unclean” to the unimmunized. Fortunately for me, the good people at Capital Health has already hooked me up and I am free to come and go as I please, even if that coming and going is primarily done in the hallway that separates my contracts class from my legal research and writing class.

Another seemingly medieval practice that is deeply routed in the UVa culture is secret societies. Is it just me, are such clubs not even interesting anymore. (OK fine, you caught me—if I really didn’t think they were interesting, they why would I be spending my fleeting youth writing in my blog about them?) There are three main societies here on the grounds, the Sevens, the IMPS and the Zs (that’s ‘the zees’ and not at all ‘the zeds’), but there are countless others. As far as I can tell, these clubs mostly occupy themselves with painting their symbols around the grounds and probably telling gossiping with each other using secret decoder rings (oh, and I guess they do things like donate hundreds of thousands of dollars to the University, but, come one, we all know its really about the decoder ring.) Mind you, I’m not making fun. I would love to be in a secret society. In fact, I was thinking of creating one myself. I have come to the conclusion, however, that starting such a club would cost may too much money and effort than a frugal and lazy person such as myself could reasonably be expected to spend. So, instead of actually organizing a society, I have decided to instead capitalize on another popular UVa activity: Fantasy Football. Yes, that’s right, I am going to set up a fantasy secret society. How it would work is that each player will select certain UVa students and alumni, and every time one of their ‘team members’ say, donates money to the school, paints a symbol somewhere on the grounds, or marches around in cloaks an masks, then they would gain points. Naturally, whoever has the most points at graduation would win the game. What do you think? Is I a good idea, or will I just end up with a couple of decoder-ring-wearing gooneys at my door? Oh, don’t worry, I’m sure the local secret societies are good natured people. I think I would more likely to have thugs at my door if I made fun of either Westlaw or Lexis.

Anyways, that’s it. Are you impressed that I managed to incorporate mumps, secret societies and fantasy football into one coherent entry?



davecharliebrown said...

Arguably coherent, at best.