He Poos What?

If there is anyone out there who has realized that joking about the metric system or how Canadians supposedly have an innate tendency to tack the word “eh” at the end of their sentences hasn’t really been humorous for at least 64 years, and are looking for a new way to make fun of Canada, but just cannot think of anything because, lets just face it, Canada is pretty much amazing in every way, have I got the news for you. Last week, Canada handed out its prestigious Polaris Music Prize (think “Canada’s version of the Mercury Prize in the UK,” which, by the way, thankfully did not go to Thom Yorke’s disappointing album that sounded like it was made on his Commodore 64), and the winner was an album called “He Poos Clouds.” That’s right, Canada’s most prestigious music prize went to an album called “He Poos Clouds.” How can anyone take us seriously now? I can just imagine our ambassador trying to make a passionate speech at the UN about Venezuela’s abuses in the Oil industry, and Hugo Chavez could easily rebut any of our arguments by saying, “At least we don’t Poo Clouds!” At which point, the entire auditorium would burst out laughing, and poor Canada would have to spend his lunch hours crying in the handicap stall in the washroom.

Anyway, since I have now probably convinced everyone that the Canadian music scene is completely laughable, I have decided to post a quick list of some good Canadian Indie Rock for you to download—legally of course, we don’t want anyone to be breaking any copyright laws because of me (American copyright laws, that is, because unauthorized music downloads are legal in Canada—just another reason why Canada is amazing). Oh, and by the way, “He Poos Clouds” actually is a good album by a band called Final Fantasy.

Randal’s List of Awesome Canadian Cuts:
1. Broken Social Scene—Anthems for a Seventeen-year-old Girl
2. The Arcade Fire—Rebellion (Lies)
3. Alexisonfire—No Transitory
4. Bedouin Soundclash—When the Night Feels my Song
5. Death From Above 1979—Romantic Rights
6. Feist—Mushaboom
7. Hot Hot Heat—Five Times Final
8. Neverending White Lights—The Grace (ft. Dallas Green)
9. The New Pornographers—Mass Romantic
10. Stars—Ageless Beauty
11. Wolf Parade—Shine a Light
12. Sunset Rubdown—Stadiums and Shrines
13. Metric—Monster Hospital


Back in 1606...

Dear Diary,

The University of Virginia is officially stuck in the Seventieth Century. Mind you, it’s a seventeenth century that is full of plaid shorts and polo shirts (I swear there are more Lacoste Alligators here then in the everglades), but a form of the seventieth century nonetheless. Not only are most of the buildings on the main grounds older than most people’s genealogy, but we are currently in the middle of a mumps epidemic. Ok, the word “epidemic” may be a little harsh considering there is only one reported case, but judging from the widespread panic that has ensued, including the quarantine of one of my section-mates, who very distraught that he must spend the day relaxing at home rather then spending his fleeting youth listening to lectures on the different interpretations of Rule 11 claims in the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure, we might as well start handing out signs that read “unclean” to the unimmunized. Fortunately for me, the good people at Capital Health has already hooked me up and I am free to come and go as I please, even if that coming and going is primarily done in the hallway that separates my contracts class from my legal research and writing class.

Another seemingly medieval practice that is deeply routed in the UVa culture is secret societies. Is it just me, are such clubs not even interesting anymore. (OK fine, you caught me—if I really didn’t think they were interesting, they why would I be spending my fleeting youth writing in my blog about them?) There are three main societies here on the grounds, the Sevens, the IMPS and the Zs (that’s ‘the zees’ and not at all ‘the zeds’), but there are countless others. As far as I can tell, these clubs mostly occupy themselves with painting their symbols around the grounds and probably telling gossiping with each other using secret decoder rings (oh, and I guess they do things like donate hundreds of thousands of dollars to the University, but, come one, we all know its really about the decoder ring.) Mind you, I’m not making fun. I would love to be in a secret society. In fact, I was thinking of creating one myself. I have come to the conclusion, however, that starting such a club would cost may too much money and effort than a frugal and lazy person such as myself could reasonably be expected to spend. So, instead of actually organizing a society, I have decided to instead capitalize on another popular UVa activity: Fantasy Football. Yes, that’s right, I am going to set up a fantasy secret society. How it would work is that each player will select certain UVa students and alumni, and every time one of their ‘team members’ say, donates money to the school, paints a symbol somewhere on the grounds, or marches around in cloaks an masks, then they would gain points. Naturally, whoever has the most points at graduation would win the game. What do you think? Is I a good idea, or will I just end up with a couple of decoder-ring-wearing gooneys at my door? Oh, don’t worry, I’m sure the local secret societies are good natured people. I think I would more likely to have thugs at my door if I made fun of either Westlaw or Lexis.

Anyways, that’s it. Are you impressed that I managed to incorporate mumps, secret societies and fantasy football into one coherent entry?



Legally Blonde 3

Another belated post, this one from Sept 13,

Dear Diary,

If the moral of my last post was that Law School is Hard, then the moral of this post is that Law School is Wicked Fun. Not that the fun we are having is wicked, although there are probably many people who think that there must be something wicked happening if it includes a bunch of Lawyers having fun, but that the fun we are having is so incredibly fun that, not only should it be labeled as wicked, but also that wicked and fun should be capitalized.

Point number 1 concerning the above statement:

I went to the football game, and, lets all face it. There may or may not have been at least one keg-stand at the tailgate party. Now, I wont say who actually participated in said activity, but unless the keg was filled with mango Jumex, which, by the way sells for 50 cents a can here, you could be pretty certain that it wasn’t me. So, after the tailgate, we (being Section J and I) head over to the game, which is free for all UVa students. It started out with a huge marching band and one of those baton-twirling girls. Now, I have to say that I was highly disappointed in the lack of shirts and ties. I mean I go to all of the trouble of buying a new sundress and painting on my eyebrows extra-carefully, and no one else seemed to go to the same lengths as I did. It’s frustrating. What actually happened was that the couch just told everyone that instead of ties, he wants the fans to all wear orange shirts because it is the team color. Aye. But the game was fun. It turns out that our team actually sucks more than a Hoover. BUT, we did win. In overtime. Because the other team missed an extra point. So it was close and fun. I have decided that I should become a college football player. I mean, I am pretty much so strong, and while going to law school I have so much free time, I could easily become a linebacker or something like that.

Point two:

It seem like here at UVa, Softball is even more important as learning about the Mens Rea element of statutory crimes. Our sections first game was a come from behind victory lead by our superstar pitcher, which, in case you are wondering, was me. I’m also on the LDS team, so I will be like a double agent. I hope that my section J mates wont find out. If this were a romantic comedy movie, I would probably have a girlfriend on each team, and then at the end, our two teams would have to play each other in the softball final. I probably would have to keep running back and forth from the bushes in order to change my uniform. I would almost get away with it too, except, in the last inning I would have to go up to bat with two outs and the bases loaded. And at the same time, my other team would call me in to replace the pitcher. I would have to decide which team to let down, and which girl I like better. What would I do?! Would I pick the one who is a good dancer like Brittney Spears or would I pick the one who looks like a cartoon character? Naturally, I'd get caught, but it will all work out it the end. I’d like to see Reese Witherspoon pull that one off! (By the way, I'd pick the good dancer, by the way, because the cartoon girl will turn out to be Kalan Porter!)

So, in class today, good 'ol section J decided to have this game, where the first person to ask or answer a question and say 'meow" would win a beer. Well, you can just imagine that that class was pretty much hilarious. There were a few meows, but the one who took the cake (or the beer, rather), was Train, who actually used the phrase "the cat's meow." BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH (yes, I ended my laugh with an H) the whole class just started laughing, and the prof was so bewildered. BEWILDERED! I'd like to see 'ol Reese pull that one off too!

OK, one more random story: Our Civ Pro Professor is kind of young (30s), yet he seems as conservative as all of the other Profs here, with his cuff-links and glasses, and is so boring that one person actually shoved a pencil in his eye, just to get out off his class and go down to the nurses office. Well, it turns out that Professor Garrett may or may not be the lead singer in a really bad heavy metal band! WHA? It’s true. We found his band's web page. Its called 'CrackJacks', have a self-released album called 'Wire Mother', and sell t-shirts that say "why are you so cold to me?" Needless to say, the first person that says that in class will win more then a beer I think.

I think I see the makings of a "Legally Blonde 3" here. Of course, I would be the main character, and after the movie comes out in Mexico, they will have to start a new brand of hair color called "Miller Blonde #3" oh dear.

Well, that's it

UVa Has Class?

To get this whole blog thing rolling, I have decided to transfer over my last couple of posts.
This on is actually from Sept. 7:

Dear Diary,

I have a terrible and shocking confession to make: I didnt actually make it to the wine tasting party! I know, I feel like such a phoney. I tried, but i couldnt find the house. Curse these streets that have various names! I seriously dont know why these streets change names so ofthen But, to make up for my lack of wine tasting class, I am going to a UVa football game on sat. I know what you are thinking:

"Oh Randy, the only thing lower class then a football game is nascar. you might as well marry your cousin and live out of your car in a Walmart parking lot"

But... apparently, everyone who goes to these games is supposed to wear a shirt and tie or a sun dress! And because all of my sun dresses are so last season, im going to go with the tie. Talk about eastern schools having class. I feel like i should get a tweed jacket with the school crest on it. If I had that, then I will be invited to every wine tasting party in charlottesville. And there will be a lot, we do live in wine country, you know I could talk about the advantages of aristotilean virtue ethics as opposed to benthanic hedonistic utilitarianism. Did you know there is a building on campus that looks very old and has big huge concrete letters on the side that say SOCRATES. whats the deal with that? Oh well, it just goes to show how high class we are out east.

So are you sure you want to go to law school. It can be pretty rough. They use the socratic method. (can you believe that i just refered to socrates in two completly unrelated parts of my email?) Anyway, it means that the prof just says your name and asks you all of these hard and scary questions, and you are supposed to be so elequant and answer them based on your readings, which you apparently are supposed to memorize!

So here is my conversation today:

Prof: Mr. Miller (yes they say Mr.), say you are the council for the defendent, why would you say that the plantif has no cause of action.

Me: um, well... the case says that the plantif does have cause

P: yes, but what would your arguemnet be?

M: I dunno, it seems pretty clear that he has cause of action

P: Well, lets look at the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure, What rule does the judge refer to in this passage?


P: which rule did the judge use to base his verdict?

M:... (i frantically look through the pages of the case for one little sentence that refers to a federal rule)....

P: Mr. Miller?






P: Miss Sheppe, how would YOU defend the claim that the plantif has no cause of action?

Arrggghhh! The worst part is that the answer was right there in front of me, and i even had it highlighted. I couldnt have been more embarrased if I had accidently shaved off my eyebrows while sleepwalking and tried to draw them back on with a black marker! I pretty much wanted to die, i felt so stupid. The Moral is: you better be sure you want into this whole law school thing. (So, was my dramitization effective?)

so i guess i had a killer week, but i mean it in a "Im going to kill myself before this school week is over." This weekend should be a good one, you should come done when there is a football game, it sounds like it will be totally a riot

Oh, and i went to the spanish party. It was actually a "Conversationalist Club", and it was mostly people learning spanish, but it was at the house of this family from Salvador. They made these things that the called "pasteles", but it wasnt at all cake or cake-like. They were like empanadas, with this meat stuff inside, and you put on this homemade salsa. They were so good i ate my wieght in them. Now i weigh double what i did a week ago: 300 lbs! And there was this cool girl from spain and she spoke with that lispy accent and i loved it. Not in a "I love you sweety" way, but a "I love cheese" way.

thats it for today. cant wait for your next message danny boy

Oh Look, A Blog

Seeing how it seems to be almost universally accepted by anyone over the age of 15 that myspace is a complete waste of time (unless of course, your primary purpose in using the interent is to watch prepubecent girls experimenting with thier new webcam), I have moved my blog. Although it may prove to be an inconvienece to my many loyal readers, I have decided this move is for the best.

So stay tuned, you'll never know what waky adventures are in store...